The Importance of Communication In Marriage

The ability to communicate effectively is one of the most important skills a married couple can possess. Inadequate communication often leads to misunderstandings and resentment, while maintaining an open dialogue with one another forms the foundation of a healthy and happy relationship.

It's crucial to understand that marriage is a covenant commitment between God and two people who have pledged to love and cherish each other for better or for worse, and that communication is key to maintaining that covenant bond. Below, we explore the importance of communication in marriage from a biblical perspective and offer some practical strategies for enhancing communication in your own marriage.

Types of Communication In Marriage

There are generally four different types of communication in marriage, including verbal, nonverbal, emotional, and physical communication. Let's dive into these a little more:

Verbal Communication

Verbal communication is the use of words to share information or ideas and is the most common form of communication. When communicating with your spouse, make sure you're clear and concise. If you are discussing a sensitive topic, like finances or parenting your children, do so in a respectful manner, and be sure to listen carefully to their perspective as well. It may take extra effort to listen closely and speak clearly, but these communication techniques will make a lasting impact on your marriage.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6

Nonverbal Communication

Nonverbal communication is the use of body language, gestures, and facial expressions to communicate without words. It can be either positive or negative and often reflects a person's true feelings on a subject, even when they are trying to hide it. When communicating with your spouse, pay attention to their nonverbal cues such as body language and tone of voice to see how they're really feeling, and make sure your own body language comes across the way you want.

“So the king asked me, “Why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of heart.” Nehemiah 2:2

Emotional Communication

Emotional communication is the sharing of feelings and emotions between two people. When communicating with your spouse about emotionally charged topics, it is important to stay calm and avoid raising your voice or getting defensive. If either of you starts to feel overwhelmed, take a break from the discussion until you have both had time to cool down.

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”  James 1:19-20

Physical Communication

Physical communication is the use of touch to communicate and is an important part of expressing emotion. Jesus is one of the best examples of this communication, as he regularly touched those that he healed; these people often had physical symptoms that would isolate them from the compassionate touch of others. When communicating with your spouse, be aware of how you are touching them and if it seems comforting or aggressive. Physical communication can be a great way to show your love and support for one another, but it can also be used as a weapon in an argument.

“Jesus was filled with compassion.  He reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing,’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cleansed.” Mark 1:41-42

What You Say and How You Say It 

What you say to your spouse, and how you say it, has a significant impact. Proverbs 18:21 says, 

21“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

This verse has implications for marriage because our words have the power to make or break our relationship with our spouse. If you use your words to build up your spouse and show them love and respect, you can reap the benefits of a strong, healthy marriage. But if you use your words to tear them down, you'll only create division and strife.

Build Each Other Up

Ephesians 4:29 also warns against speaking critically of your spouse, saying “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Let’s take a look at some ways you and your partner can build one another up with your words and actions:

Show Appreciation

One way to show appreciation for your spouse is to simply tell them how much you admire and respect them. In marriage, it’s easy to take your spouse for granted and forget to tell or show them how much you enjoy them. But taking the time to express your gratitude for what they do – both big and small – can make a big difference in the health of your marriage.

Encourage Each Other

Encourage one another by being supportive of the things that are important to your spouse and helping them achieve their goals. It can be as simple as offering words of encouragement when they are facing a difficult challenge or taking on a new project. It can also mean lending a hand with practical tasks or cheering them on from the sidelines as they pursue their dreams.

Show Affection

Affection is an important part of any relationship, but it can be especially so in marriage. Take time to understand how your partner likes to receive affection, such as through gift-giving, physical touch, or spending quality time with each other. Then, offer your spouse affection in that manner frequently, even if it's not your preferred way of giving or receiving affection.

Get Support From Your Chicago Church Family

Your church family can be a great source of support as you work to improve communication in your marriage. Many churches offer counseling services or small groups specifically for couples, which can provide valuable tools and perspectives as you work to enhance your relationship.

Simply spending time with other couples in your church can also be beneficial. You can learn from their example, pray together, and encourage one another in your individual journeys toward a stronger marriage.

At Chicago Church of Christ, we welcome you to visit us and meet our loving body of worshippers. Contact us today by calling, filling out our short contact form, or just stopping by one of our locations to experience one of our life-changing services for yourself.